Call To Worship: We Are Listening (Eph. 1:18-19b, Col. 3:1-3)

We Are Listening – Ephesians 1:18-19b, Colossians 3:1-3

L: Lord, you are not silent.

C: Lord, we are listening.

L: Lord, we confess. We do not always hear. We do not always see. Worse, we do not always want to. We are disappointingly content with a heaven-less kingdom.

C: Open the eyes of our hearts, Lord, that we may know and want to know the hope to which you have called us-the glorious inheritance of your holy people and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

L: He raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms.

C: We have been raised with Christ, set our hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.

L: God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way

C: Set our minds on things above, not on earthly things. For we died, and our life is now hidden with Christ in God.

L: Lord, you are not silent.

A: Lord, we are listening. Amen.

James 1:19: "Yes, And" Attitude

One of the famous axioms of improvisational comedy is the use of the phrase "Yes, and" at the start of your response to what another person says. As Scott McDowell describes it, "No matter what your fellow actors present to you, instead of negating it, belittling it, or disagreeing with it, your job is to say, “Yes, and…”  Accept the scenario as it’s presented to you (regardless of where you wanted it to go), and then to add to it. "[1]

I first heard this phrase in a valedictorian speech for my daughter's graduation. But, while some business thinkers have grabbed on to this as a tool for brainstorming[2], it has become my new proverb for listening well.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry - James 1:19b

How does "Yes, and" help with that?

1. It reminds me to reaffirm what I just heard and indicate that I agree. I don't always agree, but I find that 90% of the time, I actually do agree, but was too impatient to say so in my hurry to move on to the following implications. Being an engineer, I like to optimize my conversations with other people and build on what they have just said, taking their previous statement as a given. Fewer words. But it doesn't always work. Many times I have found that my partner in conversation doesn't take that for granted. They are often left trying to parse my words to discover whether I am agreeing or disagreeing with them. A simple word "Yes" tells them I heard them, I have understood what they said and that we are substantially on the same page. Then the word "and" lets them know I am building on that thought.
2. Thinking about "Yes, and" as my default response allows me to try another person's perspective. In my job, there was a plan that management was considering that I thought was foolish; putting our company in a vulnerable position. The objection was a roadblock from my considering the other issues related to our course of action. My boss called me into is office and said, in effect, "So, if we do this, how do we give the company the best chance at success?" I said, "It is so dumb..." He said, "Yes, yes, but assuming that this is what we're going to do, what can we do to give us the shot?" Defaulting to Yes, and" forces me to consider seriously what it would mean to agree with the assumptions that someone else is putting forward and what it would mean for me to build on top of that. Considering that slows me down and gives me a better view.
3. It lessens the chance of getting angry. Why is it that my default responses start with "No" or "Yes, but..."? In the midst of a discussion my focus can switch from finding a solution to winning the argument. How often has my need to be right has led me to say "No" for no other reason than to set myself apart from another person? Because I didn't like them or my feelings had been hurt, I was determined to not be "Yes, and" with them. It also avoids Hanlon's Razor, "Never attribute to malice that which is better explained by stupidity" (and, I would add) ", even my own."

Of course, I don't always agree. I don't want to mislead. I want my "yes" to be yes (Matt. 5:37) But starting from "Yes, and" and then deciding if I want to change it leads to better listening, more careful consideration of other possibilities and fewer angry situations.

[1]Scott McDowell, The “Yes, And…” Approach: Less Ego, More Openness, More Possibility, http://99u.com/articles/7183/the-yes-and-approach-less-ego-more-openness-more-possibility, retrieved on May 5, 2017
[2]"Yes, and...", https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yes,_and..., retrieved on May 5, 2017

Ecclesiastes 5:2: The Gap Between Me and My Words

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. - Ecclesiastes 5:2a

God grant me space between me and the things I say so that I may choose the best. Sometimes this gap is time, between what I hear and my reaction and what I say. That gap helps with angry, hasty words.

Many times the words that come out are malformed, muddy and unhelpful. My first self-the self that reacts-is authentic, but it reflects who I am rather than who I am becoming in Christ. My second self-the self that considers-uses that God-gifted gap to speak words of life. Our culture values the authentic, because that same gap that can be used for grace can also be used for hypocrisy and image management.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24

The first self has been rooted in my life since the beginning and usually has first access to my mouth. The second self-the one being transformed by God-is the latecomer but fueled by the Spirit of God.

Today, my pastor said that we also grant space to others by listening well. My first self wants to fill in that gap with my story. My second self wants to hear their story well.

With my friends and colleagues from the Philippines, Taiwan and mainland China, when I ask a question there is often a pause-a silence. One reason for this is their respect for me, waiting to see if I will continue. Another reason is when the dialog is in English, it is often their second or third language and it takes time to parse the flow of words. I have experienced this delay-to-parse myself on Philippine Airlines flights, trying to understand the in-flight announcements in Filipino. It just takes time.

For me, that 2-3 second silence is uncomfortable. Sometimes I interpret that lack of response as either license to continue or failure to communicate. So, I start talking again and my friend's opinion is never spoken nor heard. A mistake that leaves me impoverished.

God grant the gap to let the second self respond in grace. God grant the gap to let another speak well-heard.

Job 40:3-5: Listening Is An Opinion

Yesterday, a friend and I were sitting down at our local hangout when another gentleman (a "Michael Bolton" look-alike) overheard our discussion and joined in on the topic of coffee while he waited for his drink to be readied. Sipping his specially concocted brew from a cup, he held forth on hangover remedies, herbal medicines and the evils of the FDA. Sitting down in the next chair, he continued on to sustainable living, solar energy and  monopolies and the sad state of the education system. After an hour, we said good bye. I have a lot of sympathy for him, because he is me on another day.

These past several days I have been reading through the book of Job as he and his "comforters" have attempted to reason out the cause for all of his suffering. Job cannot understand. But if he was to bring is case, as in a court of law, to whom would he bring it? God. Job recognizes this problem early on when he says: "If only there were someone to arbitrate between us, to lay his hand upon us both...Then I would speak up without fear of him but as it now stands with me, I cannot." - Job 9:33, 35

In our Men's Group a few weeks ago, we talked about all of the different aspects of fellowship, the sharing of our lives together before God. We looked at many of the "one another" passages which describe how we interact. Then we were asked to rate ourselves, where we do well and where we struggle. My confession, before our group, was in the command to "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Eph. 5:21) I always have an opinion. And, it seems, I always have to speak it. I struggle to submit and leave my opinion unsaid. Speaking is part of my idolatry of self.

Listening is an opinion. Listening is an opinion that shows my respect for a person. Listening is part of my submitting.

Job finally gets what he wants. The Lord "answered Job" and gives a few case examples (Job 38-39) of why Job might want to reconsider bringing charges. Now it is Job's turn.

"Then Job answered the Lord: I am unworthy-how can I reply to you? I put my hand over my mouth. I spoke once, but I have no answer-twice, but I will say no more." - Job 40:3-5

Listening is about respect. Does God want to hear our opinion? Surely. That is part of what prayer is about. But at other times, our prayers and proclamations are an attempt to bring God into court to stand charges. At the heart, it comes back to that key question-God asking, "Do you trust me?" Listening is an opinion.

I wrote in my journal earlier this week: My only prayer is to speak in order to build up, with gentleness. But I have been reminded of that old proverb: Don't speak unless you can improve upon silence.

Listen. It speaks volumes.