Ecclesiastes 5:2: The Gap Between Me and My Words

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. - Ecclesiastes 5:2a

God grant me space between me and the things I say so that I may choose the best. Sometimes this gap is time, between what I hear and my reaction and what I say. That gap helps with angry, hasty words.

Many times the words that come out are malformed, muddy and unhelpful. My first self-the self that reacts-is authentic, but it reflects who I am rather than who I am becoming in Christ. My second self-the self that considers-uses that God-gifted gap to speak words of life. Our culture values the authentic, because that same gap that can be used for grace can also be used for hypocrisy and image management.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24

The first self has been rooted in my life since the beginning and usually has first access to my mouth. The second self-the one being transformed by God-is the latecomer but fueled by the Spirit of God.

Today, my pastor said that we also grant space to others by listening well. My first self wants to fill in that gap with my story. My second self wants to hear their story well.

With my friends and colleagues from the Philippines, Taiwan and mainland China, when I ask a question there is often a pause-a silence. One reason for this is their respect for me, waiting to see if I will continue. Another reason is when the dialog is in English, it is often their second or third language and it takes time to parse the flow of words. I have experienced this delay-to-parse myself on Philippine Airlines flights, trying to understand the in-flight announcements in Filipino. It just takes time.

For me, that 2-3 second silence is uncomfortable. Sometimes I interpret that lack of response as either license to continue or failure to communicate. So, I start talking again and my friend's opinion is never spoken nor heard. A mistake that leaves me impoverished.

God grant the gap to let the second self respond in grace. God grant the gap to let another speak well-heard.