1 Timothy 6:6: The Tale of Two CTOs

Just as you must pursue contentment, the paradox is that you also must pursue your dreams wholeheartedly.[1]

This morning I was mulling over a recent decision within my company to give me fewer new requisitions for new employees. I requested the new hires because the roadmap for our product was going to strain the limits of my small team: a new product already committed would start in only three months and we were still putting the finishing touches on our last two products. Yet, as I told my wife, I was at peace with the whole situation, and that struck me as odd, since I'm normally more of the worrier. But not today. My wife's comment was telling: "You have grown in this area."

One of the difficulties for me as an employee is the tension between contentment and dreaming. During my first stint as a CTO (Chief Technology Officer), I was invited to take part in a number of seminars and conferences where they asked my opinion about the pressing industry questions of the day because I was a subject-matter expert (SME). Then I would interact with some of the brightest thinkers in the PC industry, from major computer software and hardware companies about what the future would look like.

Then I would return back to my real job and try to convince the senior management that we should invest in some of these ideas: time, resources and people. But the truth was, we were so intent on the minutiae of day-to-day business that lifting our collective head to look at some of these opportunities was just too much work. So I was schizophrenic, discussing these big ideas with industry leaders but unable to get my company interested in them. The gap between my dreams and my actual situation grew until I gave up my CTO job and went back to being a senior architect.

This tension between longing and satisfaction torments many employees. In general, the American workplace encourages discontent by encouraging us to compare and look for the next opportunity. We are often dared to move, but seldom dared to stay. "Contentment ... is your choice to stay and grow and excel, for a season, regardless of current circumstances."[1]

At the same time, running away fromt the tension-toward complacency-stifles the soul. I backed away from the untenable situation into a role where the dreams were smaller but it was a season of growth in other areas.

Then, several years later, the company went through a bit of a turbulent time and I decided to look around for a new position. During one conversation, the interviewer asked me what position I was interviewing for and I was stumped! I had to ask to reschedule the rest of the interview! So I went away and when we talked again, I was ready: "CTO" The dream had been reignited and my fears had abated, so that I was willing again--this time in a larger company.

Even then I wasn't sure of my motives. During times of prayer over the next few weeks I prayed that my heart would be ready to hear God's "yes" or "no" to this new position-to surrender my goals into his hands with equanimity. Honestly, I was ready.

God did place me in a new company. But I will not forget the lessons of contentment vs. dreaming.

This plays into our spiritual lives as well. Paul said:

But godliness with contentment is great gain. - 1 Timothy 6:6

Godliness can be a demanding task master, if we let it. With Jesus as the highest standard, everything can be more, more, better, better, whether personally, working with a church or in serving others. After all, it was Paul who said, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:12) The difference between the dream of who I could be, or how the church could be, can drive you crazy with discontent.[2]

But Jesus also said, "[Y]ou will find rest for your souls. My yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30). Any time I find that the gap between my dreams and my satisfaction is too large, I realize I have tied myself to the wrong taskmaster--it isn't Jesus. Many times, it is the slow, steady plodding through today that brings me to the place where God wants me to be.




[1] As highlighted previously in this blog series. See Leading from the Second Chair, M. Bonem & R. Patterson.
[2] The context, before and after, is dealing with money. Paul applies this general principle of the relationship between godliness and contentment to the specific case of people trying to get ahead financially. Godliness without contentment is discontented, even arrogant ambition. Contentment without godliness is either complacent or misdirected. Without godliness or contentment you have the fool of Proverbs.