John 2:24: Full Disclosure?

Impressions are vitally important in the Church, it seems. We must make sure that people think we are spiritual, or at least desirous of being spiritual. We want them to believe our families are attaining all the right goals and ideals. We hope that people see us as if we have it together in our marriages, our jobs, and most of all in our walk with Christ.. - Pastor Craig Miller[1]

The acronym TMI tells me that I am sharing Too Much Information-details not appropriate for the situation or audience. Sometimes things come out of my mouth that members of my family wished were not a part of public discourse. Maybe it is about them. Or maybe it is about me that makes them question if their is (or should be) a familial connection.

Why? Because we want to control how other people perceive us and some "information" gives people the wrong impression. We (or, at least, I) want people to think that I am smart, compassionate, and in touch with modern culture. This is impression management - "a self-crafted means of getting others to believe what we want them to believe about us — but not necessarily believing what’s true."[2]

Not just for the insecure or precipitously famous, impression management is a skill that we all develop because we quickly learn that people react to you based on what they see rather than who you are.

We can see this in marriages. Vernon Edmonds used the term marriage conventionalization: "The extent to which a person distorts the appraisal of his marriage in the direction of social desirability."[3] That is, how hard does each spouse work to create the impression that you have the marriage that everyone else expects you have.

So there is this tension between, on one hand, wanting to be authentic with people and, on the other, knowing that not everyone can be trusted. One only has to remember what was repeated inadvertently by our kids in public. Church people can be a tough crowd because they have a whole other set of expectations. Even Jesus dealt with this tension:

But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. - John 2:24

Keeping a close watch on him, they sent spies, who pretended to be sincere. They hoped to catch Jesus in something he said... - Luke 20:20a 

Ok. That makes me feel a little better. Why? Because they barely knew him. They weren't committed to him or, worse, were actively against him. Disclosure is tied to trust. Later, when he had spent three years with a group of twelve guys apprenticed to him, he finally said:

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. - John 15:15

Even then, it hurt, because one sold him out, one denied him and the rest abandoned him in fear. But Jesus established circles of disclosure: the three (Peter, James, John), the twelve, the seventy-two (Luke 10), and then the crowd. In each circle, Jesus is authentic but not exhaustively so. The transfiguration is for the three (Matthew 17); his high-priestly prayer (John 17) for the twelve, his commission (Luke 10) for the seventy-two; the parables for the crowd.

Why? Jesus spoke what was necessary for those who heard, at the time they were ready to hear it. 

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. - Matthew 7:6

Often Jesus would tell a story to one group, but only give the detailed explanation to his disciples. Again, authentic disclosure, but different levels of disclosure.

How does this work in life?

1. Speak with purpose. Your life story is meant to be used for God's glory. Not for yours.
2. Speak truth, but only as much as will make sense, given the listener's familiarity with your character and life situation.
3. Speak with compassion. Are you practicing hearing your words as if you were them?

I'm still working on how this works out and have that my modeling of another person's situation is often flawed so that what I intended for good is sometimes useless or even harmful. This is humbling and makes me grateful for the insight and words given by the Spirit of God to translate my good intentions into words that match.

[1] Pastor Craig Miller, The Road to Wholeness Is Blocked By Good Impressions, The Village Pastor (blog), https://gbcvillagepastor.blogspot.com/2013/04/the-road-to-wholeness-is-blocked-by.html, retrieved on May 7, 2017
[2] John Ortberg, The Life You've Always Wanted, Zondervan (2002)
[3]Vernon H Edmonds, Marital Conventionalization: Definition and Measurement, Journal of Marriage and Family, Vol. 29, No. 4 (Nov., 1967), pp. 681-688