Matthew 18:22: Apologize Often, Forgive Freely

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity - Hanlon's Razor

There is malice. There is stupidity. Don't mix them up.

When David writes, "They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship." (Ps. 109:5), it sounds familiar.  Stories told and words misquoted. Merit ignored or squashed. Helpfulness spat upon. Plans ridiculed. We all maintain a catalog of offenses against us, indexed by time, person and subject matter. The worst ones are those calculated deliberately to hurt.

Once a restaurant featured their special of the day on a large sign outside-a mouthwatering entree at an attractive price. How sad was the face of the waiter who came to tell me that there was a mistake and the special was not available

Likewise, how humbling to find that among my cataloged entries of offenses, there was no malice at all, merely ignorance? I had been holding on to my anger, nursing it along, the pages of that catalog entry dog-eared from my repeated recollections. Only to find that there was no ill-will, just ill-conceived, or ignorant or, at worst, thoughtless. How much time and energy was wasted.

Worse, I know that I have often been misunderstood because I am dumb or tactless or blind. I also know how difficult it has been to convince the other person (or people) of my sheer stupidity. I get it. It is energizing about holding on to that anger and that sense that they were wrong and I was right. Giving that up leaves my pain, in some sense, unaccounted for.

But because I am so prone to it myself, I came up with this phrase to reinforce a best practice in my life: Apologize often; forgive freely. 

I recognize that I make mistakes--foolish, unintentional, hurtful mistakes-all the time. Or I suspect that I do, but am not sure. So I'd better just apologize often and up front to defuse hurt feelings. Preemptive apologizing.

I also realize that others do the same to me. Rather than speculate on their motives. Rather than presume malice. So I will forgive freely. In Jesus' bookkeeping terms:

I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. - Matthew 18:22

However, this week, I realized that my habit was fraying. Situations were left with forgiveness unspoken and apologies unoffered. I didn't realize it until I was reading a bishop's sermon in the detective novel, Precious and Grace, where he says: "My brothers and sisters: do not be afraid to profess forgiveness."[1]

The word "afraid" struck me. Yes, I had become afraid. Unwilling. Stubborn. Needing to go back to Jesus and tell him I'd been hoarding his forgiveness and not extending it to others. Afraid to give up feeling wronged, so that I could feel I was right.

The word "profess" challenged me to say the words. "It is forgiven." Not just rid from my heart, but making it all the way to my lips. "It is finished."

How about you? Are you tightfisted with your apologies or your forgiveness? Me, too. But let us apologize often today, and forgive freely today. As Jesus prayed:

Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. - Luke 11:4

[1] Alexander McCall Smith, Precious and Grace

Luke 22:21-24: The Traitor at the Table

The grace and hospitality we receive from God at His table compels us to offer grace and hospitality to the hurting and broken in our world - Pastor Mike Lueken

Jesus pictured his kingdom as a banquet. The surprising aspect of his meals was who was invited and who accepted. In the parable of the prodigal son, the younger son accepts the Father's invitation while the older son stays outside in anger (Luke 15). The invited wedding banquet guests decline, but the willing bystander enjoys the festivities (Matthew 22). In the last supper, Jesus says "I have been very eager to eat this Passover meal with you..." (Luke 22:15) N.T. Wright adds, "Jesus' kingdom-stories made it clear that all and sundry were potential beneficiaries, with the most striking examples being the poor and sinners."[1]

• Jesus extends an open invitation to join him at the table. 
• He welcomes those who come. 
• He challenges those to live as his renewed community. 
• He summons those to join him on his mission.

Jesus lived out his own parables when he invited his disciples to celebrate a Passover meal with him. Strangely--at least to me--each time this last supper is described, he describes the presence of traitors at the table. Apparently, it wasn't clear who it would be:

But here at this table, sitting among us as a friend, is the man who will betray me.... The disciples began to ask each other which of them would ever do such a thing. - Luke 22:21, 23

While Judas was the focus of Jesus' attention at the meal in this regard, Jesus was aware how fragile the loyalty of all of the followers at the table. Watch their reactions to Jesus:

And while they were eating, he said, “Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me.” They were very sad and began to say to him one after the other, “Surely you don’t mean me, Lord?” ... Then Judas, the one who would betray him, said, “Surely you don’t mean me, Rabbi?” - Matthew 26:21-22, 25

They weren't sure it wasn't them. They weren't sure it wasn't someone else with them. Jesus had already called out their faith as fragile (Matt. 26:34-35) In fact, "Judas's act of betrayal differed in degree, but not in kind from many other disloyalties...the most powerful message of Jesus was his unquenchable love even for-especially for--people who betrayed him."[2]

The difference was not in the degree of treachery, but in the trust in God's mercy.

The seat at the table is just as level-setting as the foot of the cross. We are all equal. We all come to the table not just as failures, but as traitors. We all come to the table in need of grace and Jesus' welcome. We all can help others come to Jesus' table by offering them the same grace and welcome that Jesus offers us.


[1]N.T. Wright, Jesus and the Victory of God, p. 245
[2]Philip Yancey, Grace Notes, March 15