Fred was a snake, green and glorious and quick. George was a turtle, mottled green and yellow and slow. They were friends, or at least one of them thought so.
But they both knew Bernadette, the sleek red racer from up the river who made Fred's tongue skip a slither whenever he thought of her. They were a couple. Or at least one of them thought so.
Fred was determined that Bernadette would see him for a sly smooth talker--the way he saw himself. But so far, his attempts to impress had been met with less than spectacular results. In fact, an outside observer might rightfully concluded that she didn't really know that Fred existed and when he thought deeply, that single thought crushed Fred's not-insubstantial ego.
How to get Bernadette to notice him? Toss that. How to get Bernadette to like him? He had tried to parade in front of his neighbors with her present. Failure. What he needed was for Bernadette to catch him in the act of some feat of derring-do!
As he usually did when contemplating these deep questions, he went to consult with his friend George, who was idly circumnavigating one of the ponds formed by the handiwork of beavers in search for water bugs and small fish. And that was how most of George's days proceeded: wake, climb onto the log to catch the first rays of the morning sun, swim around the pond for lunch, another long stretch on the sun-warmed rocks with legs extended and then a quick nose around for dinner.
Except when Fred happened by. Fred was one of the few sources of unadulterated excitement in George's life, so he always had time for Fred.
This time, Fred came to the edge of the slow eddy along the bank of the stream and gesticulated wildly to get George's attention, which involved waving his head back and forth in rapid movements and hoping that George noticed or at least heard his whispery voice from the shore. Finally George happened to swivel around and catch a glimpse of Fred's green dance on the short.
"Hmmm?" he said, his mouth still full of cricket.
"George!" Fred exclaimed. "You must help me, my friend. It is of the utmost import!"
George's heart managed to accelerate by a single beat per minute at the thought of his supreme importance. "Fred. Did...something...happen?"
"No, no nothing happened." Fred twitched impatiently.
"Oh." And George started to turn away.
"Nothing has happened yet. It is what must happen that is important." Fred quickly supplied.
"Oh. What must happen, Fred?" George queried, his heart accelerating yet one more beat.
"Well I don't rightly know, George." Fred answered.
"Oh." And George started to turn away, thinking where his next cricket might come from. Maybe by the tuft of dried grass?
"Wait! That's why I need your help. I need to know how to get Bernadette to be impressed with me. She's quite the fine red racer and I would like to know her better. You know, she would like me if she knew--if she saw how impressive I was."
"Hmmm...well, Fred, I don't know. What is so impressive about you?"
Fred was flabbergasted. I mean, this was his friend, right?
"I mean....I mean, I'm green....Oh...you were suggesting that I should I enumerate my outstanding qualities."
"Mmmm... yes, why would a snake of Bernadette's quality pay attention to you?"
"Well, really, George...oh, you did it again." Fred cocked his head to one side, his tongue flicking in and out idly. "Well, one, I am good looking." He struck several poses before his reflection in the still water at the river bank. "Yes, very fine. Two, I am famous in this forest."
Calling out to a passing otter in the river, he said, "Warren! Yes, over here on the shore. Warren, who am I?" "Why you are that snake that tricked me out of my second fish the other day!" answered the irritated otter.
"See!" Fred exclaimed, "Famous among forest folk. Third, I slither swiftly." And he dashed around the base of the tree and then up to its lowest branches, so quickly that George lost sight of him. "Fred? Fred?" he called before he glimpsed Fred's form above him. "Oh, there you are Fred!"
"And, then, fourth and most importantly, I am clever and persuasive. Yes, very clever."
"Fred...how will you show that you are clever?"
"Well, I need to think about that bit. For someone as humble as I am, I'm not used to showing off or anything." And he went back to his thinking spot, high in the elm tree and George went back to his watching for crickets, nibbling of stream-side water cress and afternoon swims.
The next morning, when George emerged from the pond for his morning warm up session on the top of a handy toppled poplar log, Fred was nowhere to be seen. Not worried, George oriented his shell for best effect and lazily closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun on his shell and outstretched feet, and dreamt of slow swimming water bugs.
Suddenly, whoosh, George felt the rushing of air on his belly and, opening his eyes, found he was sailing high above the woodland and the stream that meandered through it.
"What? What?" cried out George in a croaking, plaintive voice and waved his legs ineffectivly in the air.
"Ah, hush! None of that. Keep your unimpressive mouth shut, you'll see your beloved pond again and I'll get my shiny coin that glints and glitters." croaked a voice from above, which, twisting his head about, George realized came from the black beak of Raven. Raven was was pumping his wings furiously to gain height.
George didn't understand. His mouth moved as he ruminated on the situation and finally, he had to say, "You do not eat turtles and we are not close friends to be joy-riding. So..." He thought more. "So...why are you carrying me?"
In answer, Raven banked to the left, which left George a little dizzy. Then Raven dived and George flailed his legs and opened his mouth wide in a wordless scream, wordless because turtles aren't really good screamers. Finally, Raven set George down in a grassy meadow clearing, released his claw grip on George's shell and hopped off to the side. Then, swinging his head, Raven looked to the left and the right with exaggerated care. When nothing happened at the first try, Raven tried again and let out a guttural croak. Still nothing. So they sat there in silence for almost one minute, before Fred's tiny green head popped up from the grass.
"Where's Bernadette? She's late." Fred's looked around for a bit and then he shrugged and said, "Well, let's get on with it." And he rose up and rushed toward Raven and George aggressively. George was alarmed by Fred's advance and started to turn. Raven let out a sqwak and lept into the air, "Oh, bold sir snake, you have deprived me of my prize."
"Yeah, yeah." replied Fred. His tongue tasted disappointment and he grumbled, "She didn't come and I bet you still think you should be paid."
Raven circled overhead, "A deal is a deal. A deal is a deal. A deal is a deal. My gold shiny!"
Fred signed and called out, "In the crook of the ash. Help yourself." Then he plopped himself down on the top of a bare rock and addressed himself to George. "It was brilliant. Raven kidnaps you and pretends he will hurt you and I rush out and save you."
"But why?" George asked, not understanding.
"Ah, that is the brilliant part. I invited the divine Bernadette up here for a picnic. The plan was perfect. Then Raven was supposed to drop you hear and threaten you and I would rush out and rescue you. When she saw that, she would see that I am a snake above the ordinary. Fred--extraordinary Fred--can rescue someone from the most dire of circumstances."
"But why?" George asked again.
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