Fred was a snake, green and glorious. George was a turtle, mottled green and yellow and slow. They were friends, or at least one of them thought so.
But they both knew Bernadette, the sleek red racer from up the river who made Fred's tongue skip a slither whenever he thought of her. They were a couple. Or at least one of them thought so.
Fred was determined that Bernadette would see him for a sly smooth talker--the way he saw himself. But so far, his attempts to impress had been met with less than spectacular results. In fact, an outside observer might rightfully concluded that she didn't really know that Fred existed and when he thought deeply, that single thought crushed Fred's not-insubstantial ego.
How to get Bernadette to notice him? Toss that. How to get Bernadette to like him? He had tried to parade in front of his neighbors with her present. Failure. What he needed was for Bernadette to catch him in the act of some feat of derring-do!
As he usually did when contemplating these deep questions, he went to consult with his friend George, who was idly circumnavigating one of the ponds formed by the handiwork of beavers in search for water bugs and small fish. And that was how most of George's days proceeded: wake, onto the log to catch the first rays of the morning sun, swim around the pond for lunch, another long stretch on the sun-warmed rocks with legs extended and then a quick nose around for dinner.
Except when Fred happened by. Fred was one of the few sources of unadulterated excitement in George's life, so he always had time for Fred.
This time, Fred came to the edge of the slow eddy along the bank of the stream and gesticulated wildly to get George's attention, which involved waving his head back and forth in rapid movements and hoping that George noticed or at least heard his whispery voice from the short. Finally George happened to swivel around and catch a glimpse of Fred's green dance on the short.
"Hmmm?" he said, his mouth still full of cricket.
"George!" Fred exclaimed. "You must help me, my friend. It is of the utmost import!"
George's heart managed to accelerate by a single beat per minute at the thought of his supreme importance. "Fred. Did...something...happen?"
"No, no nothing happened." Fred twitched impatiently.
"Oh." And George started to turn away.
"Nothing has happened yet. It is what must happen that is important." Fred quickly supplied.
"Oh. What must happen, Fred?" George queried, his heart accelerating yet one more beat.
"Well I don't rightly know, George." Fred answered.
"Oh." And George started to turn away, thinking where his next cricket might come from. Maybe by the tuft of dried grass?
"Wait! That's why I need your help. I need to know how to get Bernadette to be impressed with me. She's quite the fine red racer and I would like to know her. You know, she would like me if she knew--if she saw how impressive I was."
"Hmmm...well, Fred, I don't know. What is so impressive about you?"
Fred was flabbergasted. I mean, this was his friend, right?
"I mean....I mean, I'm green....Oh...you were suggesting that I should I enumerate my outstanding qualities."
"Mmmm... yes, why would a snake of Bernadette's quality pay attention to you?"
"Well, really, George...oh, you did it again." Fred cocked his head to one side, his tongue flicking in and out idly. "Well, one, I am good looking." He struck several poses before his reflection in the still water at the river bank. "Yes, very fine. Two, I am famous in this forest."
Calling out to a passing otter in the river, he said, "Warren! Yes, over here on the shore. Warren, who am I?" "Why you are that snake that tricked me out of my second fish the other day!" answered the irritated otter. "See, famous among forest folk. Third, I slither swiftly." And he dashed around the base of the tree and then up to its lowest branches, so quickly that George lost sight of him. "Fred? Fred?" he called before he glimpsed Fred's form above him. "Oh, there you are Fred!"
"And, then, fourth and most importantly, I am clever and persuasive. Yes, very clever."
"Fred...how will you show that you are clever?"
"Well, I need to think about that bit for someone as humble as I am, not used to showing off or anything." And he went back to his thinking spot, high in the elm tree and George went back to his nibbling of stream-side water cress and afternoon swims.
Kidnapped by Raven, paid for by Fred for coin, freed by Fred when Raven lands, Bernadette's not there as arranged.
Ah, that is the brilliant part. Bernadette will see that I am a snake above the ordinary. Fred can rescue someone from the most dire of circumstances."
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