The law of the Lord is perfect, refreshing the soul. The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the Lord are radiant, giving light to the eyes. The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever. The decrees of the Lord are firm, and all of them are righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb. By them your servant is warned; in keeping them there is great reward. But who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression.
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. - Psalm 19:7-14
"But who can discern their own errors?" The ability to lie to myself and tell myself that what I did was for good and right reasons continues to trouble me even as it did in my elementary school days. To think that what I did was right and then to spend hours agonizing and then to spend days in remorse and then weeks in trying to figure out how to make up for what I did is a pattern that has been repeated many times in my life.
I have only found two ways to fight against this trend in my life. First, listen to trusted voices who question my decisions. Sometimes they are wrong, but they are right often enough that I am willing to take a second look. Second, try to proactively do the right thing the first time. Usually when I am lying to myself, there is an element of self-serving in my decision. So every decision that has a benefit to me deserves a second look to see whether I did it because it was right or because it benefited me. If there is a doubt, bet against the self-serving answer even if it costs me.
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