"I was really lost. I'm a little less so at the moment."

I read this from Bono concerning his spiritual growth, and I could relate.

Your nature is a hard thing to change; it takes time…. I have heard of people who have life-changing, miraculous turnarounds, people set free from addiction after a single prayer, relationships saved where both parties "let go, and let God." But it was not like that for me. For all that "I was lost, I am found," it is probably more accurate to say, "I was really lost. I'm a little less so at the moment." And then a little less and a little less again. That to me is the spiritual life. The slow reworking and rebooting the computer at regular intervals, reading the small print of the service manual. It has slowly rebuilt me in a better image. It has taken years, though, and it is not over yet. —Bono, lead singer of U2[1]

  

For me, moving forward in my inner life is so frustrating because it seems that the same issues I was dealing with as a young college student are the issues I am fighting with now. In some cases, I have come up with new and inventive ways of expressing the same basic spiritual dysfunction. But the general tone has remained the same.

But I take hope in two things: 

1. Looking back I can see that I am improved. That perspective is important. The fight to suppress the fruit of self and release the fruit of the Spirit has been productive. I have not arrived, but there is progress. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." - Phil. 3:12
2. There is no condemnation. As much as I fail, "...there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Rom. 8:1). My life can be crippled by the realization of how bad I have been, or invigorated by the awareness of how much I am forgiven.

 Spiritual growth is not smooth, seamless or comfortable. But I definitely want to grow up and be like my older brother, as promised: "...he [God] also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters." (Romans 8:29)

  

[1] U2 (with Neil McCormick), U2 by U2 (HarperCollins, 2006), p. 7