Haiku: November 11 - December 23

 Wind pushes the leaves

Framed by my kitchen window

Gray sky forecasts rain

Mind unsettled

But the new day has begun

Must get on with it

The early birds trill

Otherwise the world is still

Wait! A mouse scampers!

Biting morning chill

When I stick my head outside

Return to the warmth

One leaf to my head

One flower - cups of delight

What will she see next?

Night gathers troubles

A deep breath before the start

Tackled one by one

If they don't see it

They walk past the road blindly

Did they really look?

Excited dancing

They want to leave right away

"Where are we going?"

Wake at the same time

The hills outlined with a glow

Mornings are dark now.

Winter's breath is cold

Bites my nose outside the door

So go back inside!

Make morning coffee.

Half table spoon vanilla

Then milk to the rim

Going the right way

Or just going on orders?

Could be spirals?

Red leaves on the ground

Yellow leaves wind blown in tress

Grey clouds loop above

Yellow orange red

Leaves on trees splayed like hands

Welcoming the chill.

Parking lot entrance

A wave. Sign asking for help.

What is my real thought? 

Geese fly overhead.

Unenviable commute

To the north office.

Birds chatter outside

First sun after the rain stopped.

Catching up with friends.

Christmas tree sculptures.

Illuminate our selfies.

Then the light turned off.

In the fain leaves fell

Littering the whole yard.

With red and gold stars.

Rain puddles out front.

No dry path that I can walk.

The wind kept awake.

Want to walk today

The rain biting my face.

Going back inside.

Rain-caught while walking.

Hiding under the fir tree.

Sun-caught drys me out

Smell of bread rises

Greets me coming down the stairs.

Invites me to dine. 

Bright car head lights shine

Damp streets from yesterday's rain.

Leaves stain the pavement.

Slow but steady rain.

From here to city and back.

Now, outside is dark.

Yellow bandana

Yellow squares in a  basket.

Cornucopia. 

Long rides through the air.

Sleeping through clouds and the sky

Arriving at night.

Crows circle my head.

Looking for a place to land.

In my crumpled hair.

Wintered plants line paths.

Streams dotted with dawdling ducks

White egret soars by

Did you sense I'm gone?

Half-awake in the morning.

Rolling to the warmth.

Too cold for a walk. 

Hands and ears and lungs burning.

House door inviting.

Shuffling, awake

Fuzzy early morning thoughts. 

Stumble out of bed.

Leaves of the bouquet.

Littler the kitchen table.

Need some renewal.

Sunrise to sunset.

Shadows inch close to be free.

Hide, lengthen, then fade.

Song of rain patter.

Makes we want to keep sleeping. 

But shoes left outside.

Finch perched on a branch.

Waiting for the rain to pause.

Or food to appear. 

Red in my windows.

Sunshine catches morning clouds.

Don't open the door!

Bird silhouette strolls

Across my morning walk's path

Walking unaware.

Hummingbird again.

Tries to sip winter flowers.

Leaves to try elsewhere.

Little Christmas tree.

Looks through the window and dreams

Of the forest's green.

Philippians 1:3-11: He Does Not Stop And He Does Not Lose

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.  - Philippians 1:3-11

 "...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." One of the great confidences in life is that God does not stop and God does not lose. Sometimes we are greatly disappointed in ourselves, finding that we do what we ought not even when we should know better. Sometimes God is greatly disappointed in us, finding that we do what we ought not even when we know better. But he does not stop and he does not lose.

I'm not sure how this works out.  I remember the stories in the Old Testament where God tells Moses to stand aside after the whole country disappointed Him and he was thinking of restarting the whole saving-the-world-through-Israel idea over with just Moses. God told Moses: "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the signs I have performed among them? I will strike them down with a plague and destroy them, but I will make you into a nation greater and stronger than they.”  (Num. 14:11b) But Moses didn't think that was a good idea. So God didn't stop and didn't lose, because Jesus came and Jesus won, even over our collusion with disobedience. 

God can make it work with me. Which is pretty incredible. But it makes sense, because who am I that I could get in the way of God Almighty? And God has plans for me, which is also pretty incredible. He has places he wants me to go and things he wants to see and my small-time, stupid stubbornness is not sufficient to thwart him. Anyone tells me differently is a liar and that is good news. I don't always known how that can be true, but I'm glad it is.    

Malachi 3:1-4: A Chance to Choose God

 “I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come,” says the Lord Almighty.

But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner’s fire or a launderer’s soap. He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the Lord will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness, and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the Lord, as in days gone by, as in former years. - Malachi 3:1-4

We sing about "create in me a clean heart" and "refiner's fire" in worship songs as if it is such a warm, fuzzy and desirable thing. Desirable unless you are the thing being burnt or scrubbed. "But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears?" 

God wants pure people, people whose loyalty is undivided. I think he teaches us who we really are--whether we are his people--by offering us choices time and time again and letting us see what we do with that choice. God is not surprised by the choices, nor is he necessarily surprised by our answers but I think that sometimes we are surprised that we are or are not the type of people that we thought we were. 

Those choices that he offers can be hard choices between what we really really want and God. God asks which is important and I think that we are sometimes shamed into admitting that the other thing that I am choosing is actually more important than God. That is very humbling to admit, but I think that it is the foundation for the people who want to live lives acceptable to God--lives that are significant. 

So the fire is painful not just because it hurts. And not because the other thing was even bad. But because we choose something that is not God. We are faced with what is really important and the choice signals for us a chance to choose God. 

Mark 13:1-8: Don't Look Into The Continual Church of Crises For A Messiah

As Jesus was leaving the temple, one of his disciples said to him, “Look, Teacher! What massive stones! What magnificent buildings!” “Do you see all these great buildings?” replied Jesus. “Not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.”

As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives opposite the temple, Peter, James, John and Andrew asked him privately, “Tell us, when will these things happen? And what will be the sign that they are all about to be fulfilled?” Jesus said to them: “Watch out that no one deceives you. Many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am he,’ and will deceive many. When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be earthquakes in various places, and famines. These are the beginning of birth pains. - Mark 13:1-8

"Watch out that no one deceives you. Many will come in my name, claiming 'I am he' and will deceive many." When we perceive that the world is unstable, we instinctively look for someone that can offer us stability.  Jesus' disciples pointed at the temple as a sign of stability. "What massive stones! What magnificent buildings" they exclaimed. But Jesus told them that it was all going away. It wasn't going to last. 

Then he told them to watch who they trust. Wars. Rumors. Conflict. Earthquakes. Starvation. These things continue to happen. When they do happen, we look for the new "Messiah!"--someone who will save us. A continual churn of crises leads to a continual cycle of people promising to protect us from the pain.  This is how it is, so we shouldn't look to the problems to reveal the solution. The problems just shows how broken we are and how broken the world is. There is no solution within the system. We have to look beyond the world system. We should look to God. Anyone who promises different is selling something.  

Psalm 16: Letting Go Of Our Dreams First

Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.” Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. - Psalm 16

"Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."

This reminds me of another slightly deceptive verse in Psalms: "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Ps. 35:9) It seems to be saying that God will give you what you want. But that part about the desires of your heart is the second half of a sentence. The first half reads, "take delight in the Lord" then followed with "and he will give you the desires of your heart." That is: desire God and He will give you...God. He will give you what you want as long as what you want is God. 

The verses in our passage describe the "boundary lines" describing the edges of a plot of land, one inherited. But that part about boundary lines is the second half of a sentence. The first half describes the inheritance like this: "Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup." That is, the inheritance received is the Lord himself.

Our problem is that we want too little. Our desires are too small, too tepid, our imaginations are too  unambitious. We settle. We settle for so small. But giving up on choosing our boundary lines means that we inherit so much more. It is a scary thought. Sometimes we think that choosing the devil we know would be better than choosing the unknown what God would choose for us. We have to let go of our dreams first.  

1 Samuel 1:4-20: Brave Enough To Trust Him Now

Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”

Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the Lord’s house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “Lord Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”

As she kept on praying to the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”

“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the Lord. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”

She said, “May your servant find favor in your eyes.” Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the Lord and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah made love to his wife Hannah, and the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”

When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the Lord and to fulfill his vow, Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always.”

“Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the Lord make good his word.” So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him.

After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. When the bull had been sacrificed, they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him, “Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” And he worshiped the Lord there.

The opinions of your rivals are not the opinions of God. People can make you feel miserable for something about which the Lord has the opposite opinion. Penenniah was probably insecure, seeing her husband favor the other wife. She was successful in the eyes of the people around her, increasing Elkanah's family with numerous happy events. But still he preferred her and gave her the special attention, like the double portion of the meat from the offering. So she took the one thing that was different between them-the ability to readily bear children-and attempted to make it the prime attribute by which Elkanah, her husband, should use to judge between them. Further, she used it as the attribute to continually remind Hannah aboutn And it was the attribute that the people around her would use as a sign that God was surely blessing her--not that other woman. She was insecure and used what she had to push Hannah down and it worked, making Hannah feel trapped and helpless and miserable. So she prayed.

One of the remarkable things about Hannah's response was that she wanted the answer to the prayer, but when she got it, she did not try to hold on so tightly. It reminds me of the way that Abraham was so desperate for a son that he manipulated things to try and get one in a way not ordained by God, using other people to try and make it happen. But at the end, when God demanded that he give Isaac as a sacrifice, he set out the next day to do it. He had learned to let go. 

So Hannah kept the child Samuel but then let him go. In many ways, that is what we do with children anyway. We raise them and then have to give them over to God. If we fail to do that, then we hurt them and dishonor God in thinking that he's not capable of raising them. I don't know that I would be as brave as Hannah at such a young age for my children, but I do hope I can be brave enough to trust him now.

Haiku: September 27-November 10

Air is still and warm
Yesterday the wind's blowing

Leaves return then fall.

Anxious thoughts untested

Seldom pausing or resting

Then I close my eyes.

The heat of summer

Lingers in the tree leaves

Before they change colors.

Anger never solves

Except for further anger--

To provide fuel.

When the week looks long,

One dose of inspiration

Is all that I need.

Mornings hold no chill

Skies promises no remorse

With relentless blue

Day looms with a cloud

I wish I could go back to bed

But the clock insists.

Hummingbirds sip tea

While watching their enemies

Drink on their enemies.

Only one problem 

Will keep me awake at night.

The moon is my friend. 

Gathering people. 

The murmur of soft voices

Then the first chord plays. 

Wrinkles seldom shock

Except when you smile or frown

More as you're older.

A man speaks no words

So he is considered wise

Even if he's a fool.

Carrots for rabbits

And apples fed to horses

Then cheese for the mouse

Heavy winds on shore

Shelter in place, run to hid

There is no place safe.

Half cup of water

Dirty dishes are waiting

Need to make breakfast.

Sat on wooden seats

Then to the padding of trains

Then to my pillow

I really should wake

Or do the thing I should do

Instead close my eyes.

The bird silhouettes

Apples sit on the table

Early morning light.

Hummingbird pauses

Takes a sip before going.

Watering house plants.

The world is quiet

In the dark of the morning

A cat wanders by.

The moon has risen

I survey the night landscape.

Owls glide silently.

Why am I worried?

I awake with the unanswered.

Lingering alert

Dig lawn in the front

Looking for grubs messily

At night, what is it?

Sleepy on the brain

Sunlight pays across my eyes

Rustling sounds behind

The smell of baked bread

Meets me when I come home

And a playful smile.

Studying Bible

Morning talks with friends go long

Excitement lingers

Did I learn new things?

Or learn how to use the old?

Each is exciting.

Flights home are waiting

But something is left behind

I'll go out again

Scream of winter jays

Bold because chicken is gone.

Taking the back yard.

Sleepy eyed morning.

The sky shifting and blue

My mind is waking.

Journal, bible, book.

Laid open on the table

All is in order.

Tree is tilted

Grape vine's trellis fell over

The wind has come through.

Look out the back door

The feel of the chill in the air.

Back in for a coat.

Looking for reasons.

Why are one more and one less. 

My reasons fail God.

The walk together.

Lightly discussing the day.

Then we fall silent.

Peach and green pumpkins

Resting on the side table.

Not to be eaten.

Reading the poems

Makes me think, chuckle, wince, cry, 

All in three brief lines